1. |
Intro
00:56
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2. |
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if i need the focus
my best friends call on sundays
and that is i'm a battery
pushing brain cells into shopping carts
and if you still need that cable back
i'll be in between polarity next week
just catch my attention
like an october bus stop
in bad weather
i've never felt so beautiful
as a butterfly on a dumpster full
of wet cardboard and cheese
eat me in a parking lot on monday
i'll be covered in sporting goods store cleaning solution
wrapping myself in pavement on the backsides of fedex trucks
delivering my own spine on a diet of nuts and sanitizer
removing grey hands and placing them into unwanted backpacks
tying my own nutsack to the underside of an email
crying my memories of production into a bowl of cheap gravy
teasing my peers with a feigning curiosity please
please donate all your serotonin to the man in the black bmw series 3
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3. |
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fearless in the back of a static shifting rotunda
folding mass market last names into perfect rectangles
sick on the trails of a question about astrology
i sought refuge in the four halls covered in rough cotton
they don't know what the burn scabs are about
i guess it's only trivial to remind people of bad feelings
but you get what you signed up for when you said you had abilities
to separate the doors from the hack faced artists
a hundred dollars is too much to show up for
when all that's asked of me is ghost fingered identity
pointing to hive minded european aughts
minding themselves in loose piles
we shared speeches, repeated
saying "they don't speak through brain stems and teeth"
but they'll send intelligence back to their central agency
i want to put up my name on a golden star
surrounded by all the others stars, just bending and torn
and reach for the ceilings with the endless vent covers
on top of the backs of lost potency
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4. |
A Skin (Dinnertime)
02:48
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a skin between the frame on the post-closet wall
pulling on strings connected to pre-identifiers
nobody puts you through twelve years of study periods
to tell you who sits below the hairline
you need a cousin with a bag full of plastic
to explain what mistakes are made from
asking for kitchen utensils from grandparent's neighbors
to fake gun play by the community pool
someone's step-dad's guitar collection
calls out as a focal point
back-dropped between stolen porn DVDs with bad acting
but you don't even know what fingers a chord is made of
i was reminded of violence by watching preteens stomp on rocks
instead of heads
between family dinner functions
where i found a patch of dirt to fit between
waiting patiently for curfews
(late night studies
of the moon in cyan, magenta, yellow and black
where the optic nerve burning sensation
showed me a name i wasn't familiar with
watermark photographers
you know where i'm coming from
/
ma'am, would you please cup your hands around my left ear and scream?
i'm trying to re-invent my dominant hemisphere
a show of hands for the kids with college reading levels at age 8
i learned that, in low light, nobody can tell if you're part of a roster in a contemporary art film class)
introduced to waking life
through cold rains and an iced coffee machine
it's a personal letter to my thrift-button flannel formative self
you will grow in to your ears if you get loud enough
and we kept wearing names across our chests made from block stencils
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5. |
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in time i hope to become one with the crows
wings outstretched screaming obscenities into clouds
and if they nail crosses to my parent's front doors
i guess it's only meant to be for livestock to die alone
did you want to see my finger nail collection?
it's attached by skin and wire to my magnetic bones
if you start to cough real loud and pretend to choke
we might not make it through another year in here
tread real quiet through the woods
but carry a big stick in your purse
now am i coming clear through the naked knuckle barbed wire?
are still afraid of your toes?
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6. |
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7. |
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yes, everyone tells me to go to therapy when they look at me. how did you know?
come on, I say "dog" to girls all the time.
did you even hear what I said, or are you too wet in the asshole to consider anyone else's time in the military?
i'm not entertained by this or anything else.
i'm not asking for a hand out - i'm trying to see what a real bullet hole might look like.
just keep that to yourself around us.
i don't THINK I've heard any voices in a while now. why do you ask?
well would you just hang up already and get to your point?
i'm behind you.
each one in its place
did you see it in the news?
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8. |
Billy Crystal Blues
01:01
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i saw him on the tv
his name is billy crystal
i think he has a weird head
and his eyes they stare right through me
like something by bram stoker
he dances in the night
tip toeing on the floorboards
he watches me in dream land
and if i'm not being good enough
i guess i know he'll be there
ringing me by my shirt neck
and shouting about a doctor
please you've gotta believe me
billy's in the other room
and he doesn't need your sympathy
he's just looking for an exit
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9. |
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if you press yours eyes together real close
you might miss the way the cars come out right in front of you
but only make believe that it's like shadows in the dark
only as real as your uncle at nintendo
why do you insist on being the best
at bus stop prominence in the summer time?
drinking jugs of milk, piss and sweat
you smoke with friends because you felt like it
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10. |
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well here i am again
project all my insecurities
when i stand by the mirror
a boy who doesn't understand biology
at the end of this cat's eyes
dinner at 4pm's all she wants from me
i guess i've got no choice
but to drop another round of cash on therapy
so why keep pets close by
just to watch them die?
when we know their lives are fleeting
and all they want is to keep feeding and feeding
she's eating
behind me
i'm studying
my sheets
she's the only one who understands
i keep all this pressure between my hands
and sigh
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11. |
Suck In... Be There
01:54
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12. |
The Daughter
03:35
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breathe in
she's never left the coal mine
awakened only by the sounds of violent trains in the night sky
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13. |
Blow Out... Drive Home
03:24
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i fall asleep on the drive home
and tucked in the street lights,
the ghosts of 10,000
tail light absentee night driving
geriatrics
half-aware of the
high beam morse code
I telegram across the white paint
and raccoon-bloodied route 9
right blinker
mocking empty handed
attempts at stopping at manslaughter
and next year, when i'm still alive,
i'll merge off to the side of the
mannequin pole freak show
near the alcoholic-tinged
apartment complex with the
social security office next to the dispensary
and i'll map all the ways
i could try to jump and roll my stepping stones
over a ford taurus
screaming manic memories of the future
spoken in dream coats
and flat tire brackets around my ankles
balloon heavy
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14. |
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east of a landmine, cast the stone
unbridled character catches fear
least of the functions is alone
nullified spaces drawing near
intense in the skin
eyes set of the hole they're in
situated liminal spaces only remind you of home
teased like hatching promised time
required mandatory stress
promises like "everybody's fine"
leading to out of body dress
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