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.​.​.​defining spheres and snares​.​.​. [PART 1​:​] the naked fingernail

by community pool hands

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1.
Intro 00:56
2.
if i need the focus my best friends call on sundays and that is i'm a battery pushing brain cells into shopping carts and if you still need that cable back i'll be in between polarity next week just catch my attention like an october bus stop in bad weather i've never felt so beautiful as a butterfly on a dumpster full of wet cardboard and cheese eat me in a parking lot on monday i'll be covered in sporting goods store cleaning solution wrapping myself in pavement on the backsides of fedex trucks delivering my own spine on a diet of nuts and sanitizer removing grey hands and placing them into unwanted backpacks tying my own nutsack to the underside of an email crying my memories of production into a bowl of cheap gravy teasing my peers with a feigning curiosity please please donate all your serotonin to the man in the black bmw series 3
3.
fearless in the back of a static shifting rotunda folding mass market last names into perfect rectangles sick on the trails of a question about astrology i sought refuge in the four halls covered in rough cotton they don't know what the burn scabs are about i guess it's only trivial to remind people of bad feelings but you get what you signed up for when you said you had abilities to separate the doors from the hack faced artists a hundred dollars is too much to show up for when all that's asked of me is ghost fingered identity pointing to hive minded european aughts minding themselves in loose piles we shared speeches, repeated saying "they don't speak through brain stems and teeth" but they'll send intelligence back to their central agency i want to put up my name on a golden star surrounded by all the others stars, just bending and torn and reach for the ceilings with the endless vent covers on top of the backs of lost potency
4.
a skin between the frame on the post-closet wall pulling on strings connected to pre-identifiers nobody puts you through twelve years of study periods to tell you who sits below the hairline you need a cousin with a bag full of plastic to explain what mistakes are made from asking for kitchen utensils from grandparent's neighbors to fake gun play by the community pool someone's step-dad's guitar collection calls out as a focal point back-dropped between stolen porn DVDs with bad acting but you don't even know what fingers a chord is made of i was reminded of violence by watching preteens stomp on rocks instead of heads between family dinner functions where i found a patch of dirt to fit between waiting patiently for curfews (late night studies of the moon in cyan, magenta, yellow and black where the optic nerve burning sensation showed me a name i wasn't familiar with watermark photographers you know where i'm coming from / ma'am, would you please cup your hands around my left ear and scream? i'm trying to re-invent my dominant hemisphere a show of hands for the kids with college reading levels at age 8 i learned that, in low light, nobody can tell if you're part of a roster in a contemporary art film class) introduced to waking life through cold rains and an iced coffee machine it's a personal letter to my thrift-button flannel formative self you will grow in to your ears if you get loud enough and we kept wearing names across our chests made from block stencils
5.
in time i hope to become one with the crows wings outstretched screaming obscenities into clouds and if they nail crosses to my parent's front doors i guess it's only meant to be for livestock to die alone did you want to see my finger nail collection? it's attached by skin and wire to my magnetic bones if you start to cough real loud and pretend to choke we might not make it through another year in here tread real quiet through the woods but carry a big stick in your purse now am i coming clear through the naked knuckle barbed wire? are still afraid of your toes?
6.
7.
yes, everyone tells me to go to therapy when they look at me. how did you know? come on, I say "dog" to girls all the time. did you even hear what I said, or are you too wet in the asshole to consider anyone else's time in the military? i'm not entertained by this or anything else. i'm not asking for a hand out - i'm trying to see what a real bullet hole might look like. just keep that to yourself around us. i don't THINK I've heard any voices in a while now. why do you ask? well would you just hang up already and get to your point? i'm behind you. each one in its place did you see it in the news?
8.
i saw him on the tv his name is billy crystal i think he has a weird head and his eyes they stare right through me like something by bram stoker he dances in the night tip toeing on the floorboards he watches me in dream land and if i'm not being good enough i guess i know he'll be there ringing me by my shirt neck and shouting about a doctor please you've gotta believe me billy's in the other room and he doesn't need your sympathy he's just looking for an exit
9.
if you press yours eyes together real close you might miss the way the cars come out right in front of you but only make believe that it's like shadows in the dark only as real as your uncle at nintendo why do you insist on being the best at bus stop prominence in the summer time? drinking jugs of milk, piss and sweat you smoke with friends because you felt like it
10.
well here i am again project all my insecurities when i stand by the mirror a boy who doesn't understand biology at the end of this cat's eyes dinner at 4pm's all she wants from me i guess i've got no choice but to drop another round of cash on therapy so why keep pets close by just to watch them die? when we know their lives are fleeting and all they want is to keep feeding and feeding she's eating behind me i'm studying my sheets she's the only one who understands i keep all this pressure between my hands and sigh
11.
12.
The Daughter 03:35
breathe in she's never left the coal mine awakened only by the sounds of violent trains in the night sky
13.
i fall asleep on the drive home and tucked in the street lights, the ghosts of 10,000 tail light absentee night driving geriatrics half-aware of the high beam morse code I telegram across the white paint and raccoon-bloodied route 9 right blinker mocking empty handed attempts at stopping at manslaughter and next year, when i'm still alive, i'll merge off to the side of the mannequin pole freak show near the alcoholic-tinged apartment complex with the social security office next to the dispensary and i'll map all the ways i could try to jump and roll my stepping stones over a ford taurus screaming manic memories of the future spoken in dream coats and flat tire brackets around my ankles balloon heavy
14.
east of a landmine, cast the stone unbridled character catches fear least of the functions is alone nullified spaces drawing near intense in the skin eyes set of the hole they're in situated liminal spaces only remind you of home teased like hatching promised time required mandatory stress promises like "everybody's fine" leading to out of body dress

about

Recorded on a 4 track in November 2020 during an extended manic episode. An attempt to make music I'm not usually comfortable with.

credits

released December 10, 2021

Track 6 samples "Three Rivers" by Andrew Chalk

license

all rights reserved

tags

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